Unlikely that happened
by TaisaXChui
Summary: Vending machines and Izaya will always go together for a certain violence-hating man. But when Izaya suddenly falls bored from Shizuo's vengeance, all hell would break lose and Shizuo couldn't say it was a good thing. {Not YAOI. But readable whether you're a fan or not}


Vending machines and Izaya will always go together for a certain violence-hating man. But when Izaya suddenly falls bored from Shizuo's vengeance, all hell would break lose and Shizuo couldn't say it was a good thing. {Not YAOI. But readable whether you're a fan or not}

THIS IS NOT YAOI. Sorry, yaoi fans. I don't write that kind of stuff. Though, I think this is worth a shot for reading, Shizaya fan or not. I did my best in keeping things canon (but not as successful, I think).

There's a first for everything. People have mercy. 'Tis my first Durarara! story. It's also my first time writing in the present tense. But my crappy grammar and writing style… isn't new.

Dedicated to this certain person who digs Shizaya, Durarara!, and other whatnots. Sorry, Lizzy. I don't (and most probably can't as of yet) write Yaoi. You'll have to be content with this. Ka-ka-ka~

**Disclaimer**: Would you believe me if I say I own Durarara!? No, right? Good. That settles it.

* * *

Shizuo Heiwajima hates violence.

"IZAYA!"

An innocent vending machine is lifted unceremoniously from its place by a man in bartender's uniform without breaking a sweat. In an obviously inhuman feat, the heavy electronic box of goods soars through the city air, aimed straight toward a black haired man who has just walked out of an alley.

It is not an unusual sight in Ikebukuro. In fact, people who have lived there for years would not even bat an eyelash when they come across smashed vending machines and bent street signs. It was a palpable sign of violence. The clash of the man in a bartender's uniform and the guy in the furred jacket is to be expected every moment the two individuals' paths would cross.

A fierce anger; able to fuel his human body to lift objects beyond human capability. Shizuo Heiwajima sees red upon the mere sight of Izaya Orihara. Manipulative and scheming, Shizuo had experienced first-hand when the trouble-loving man decided to have fun. And Heiwajima, minding his own business, had to have the misfortune of being one of the puppeteer's toys one peaceful day. Before he even understood what was happening, he was being arrested for crimes he is certain he has never committed.

He has always loathed Izaya and that day has caused him to snap. There is no forgiving that slimy bastard. And how Shizuo exacts his revenge? That's what is about to happen just like every other day: an all-out war that would seem like an amusing banter to those used to it and a frightening fight to those who fail to know what to expect in Ikebukuro. Once an ultra-heavy appliance falls from the sky, one should know what is going on.

And Izaya Orihara has never failed to treat it like child's play. Seemingly appearing only to provoke Shizuo, the information bank of a man would prance around with glee, smoothly dodging flying obstacles that could have caused him great injury if not death by being squashed.

This is what usually happens in Ikebukuro once a vending machine is lifted off the ground. It is easy to predict what will happen next.

But what people are expecting did not happen…

…for Izaya Orihara has simply dodged the vending machine and turned around _to leave_.

"Don't you dare run!" Shizuo bellows angrily, not yet noticing the absence of the cocky aura of his opponent that did not even bother to say a word to him as he walks away.

The action only ticks Shizuo off more and he begins marching forward, ready to give Izaya a good beating. With a roar, he scrapes off a stop sign that was minding its own business and whips it to where his target is supposed to be standing. He hits air.

Izaya has jumped out of the way right on time as if he has anticipated his every move and is quite _bored_ upon knowing what would come after what.

"Gomen ne, Shizzy," the black haired man finally speaks, sounding startlingly toned down as he slightly looks back at Shizuo. "But I dun wanna do this today." His shoulders slumps. Then slowly he raises his head and swivels around, hands coming out from his pockets to do circular motions in the air. "We've done this like, over and over and… over… and over… again…"

The shades on Shizuo's eyes falls a centimetre. To say that he isn't surprised at the sneaky guy's reaction will be a lie. But it is also so easy to dismiss. Izaya Orihara is known to be a scheming man so he is most probably up to something. Everything he does, whatever it is or however it is done would always end up in a way that others will despair upon and for him to find entertainment. He has tricks up his sleeve at all times even when you least expect it. And Shizuo knows this perfectly well.

"Shut… UP!" and the broken street sign is back in action.

Izaya evades it without even blinking. Stuffing his hands back in his pocket, he all but twirls like a drowsy man from the one-sided battle. "I knew you won't believe me. No use convincing you." He murmurs loud enough for those nearby to hear including the addressee. He starts walking away without looking back. It is so easy to mistake him for a man who just lost an important job and doesn't know how to carry on living.

The stunned crowd eyes the back of Izaya until he vanishes from view. They are brought back to their places at the loud noise of metal clanging on pavement.

Shizuo bites down the unlit cigarette that has been dangling on his lips. Looking very irritated, the bartender-dressed man pushes his shades up his nose and turns to the opposite direction to leave.

The fact that no actual fight had happened is a sudden turn of event for the local onlookers. And Shizuo letting it slide is an added bonus. For one thing, they were certain that he would have taken the chance to take revenge whether Izaya has been lying or not. Despite how it looked, their fights aren't stage acts and that the other is always ready to blow a fuse just to make his opponent pay, whether Izaya is messing with him or not. Though serious or not, the people think that it was still a chance for Shizuo since Izaya was neither taunting him nor running away—he was simply passing by. They saw that Heiwajima has also been stunned by the character that Orihara had displayed so they can only assume that Shizuo did not fight any longer because he might have been too unhinged to know what to do, being used to the brash and trouble-making Izaya.

The crowd begins to dissipate and along with it, the new and unbelievable episode begins to spread through-out Ikebukuro like wild fire. But neither of the two involved will really care, too aloof and used to being popular to give notice to what other people say.

~oOo~

"Was it true?" Shizuo's employer asks in contained curiosity.

"Was what true?" the bleached man fires back in his usual gruff tone. Despite standing in the middle of the street where the encounter between Shizuo and Izaya had happened ten minutes ago and where currently, people are gossiping to each other while throwing looks towards him, Shizuo honestly still has no idea what his employer is asking about.

"That for the first time since… it began, Orihara Izaya backed down from fighting you?" there is no hesitation upon his asking for he trusted and knew his friend well enough that he will not squash him for mentioning his most loathed name.

A growl escapes the taller man before answering in a hard nature, temper apparently shortening at the reminder. "It's not that the bastard backed down because he wanted to. He just said he didn't want to fight me. Not that I give a damn if he wants to fight; I'll still kill him."

A single dark eyebrow rises as Tom Tanaka, his employer, gives him a questioning look. Looking back ahead he says, "So let me get this straight: he didn't fight you because he wanted to, but he backed down because… he didn't want to fight you?"

Catching the absurdity of his explanation, Shizuo grabs a handful of his hair in frustration and pulls aggressively while releasing a cry of annoyance. "Gaaah! I don't know! I'm confused too, dammit!"

He chuckles and pats him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. You have a full day tomorrow to figure that out. It's your day off."

Shizuo lets go of his hair to grab the railings. "I don't know what it was about but I know he's up to something. That jerk's _always _up to no good." He speaks in a serious tone but there is less edge in his voice. He is talking to a friend and not the one they are talking about, after all. He isn't stupid.

The day may have brought about unexpected happenings and what the future holds for him, he cannot be so sure. But Izaya whether drunk, asleep, brain-washed, virtuous, or sane, one thing will always be unmistakable to him: Izaya Orihara is always up to no good.

~oOo~

The headless rider is not an unusual character in Ikebukuro tales. And with the number of eccentricities going out of hand within the city, only a stranger would be surprised. Clad in black and atop her swift horse, the headless rider roams the streets. For an outsider, it is all too easy to dismiss as an urban legend.

But it isn't everyday that a colleague from one such city gets to point out one such rider seeming to ride the wind to you on one completely normal night. Anyone would be in awe. Such a mysterious character that no one truly knows about, certainly not human and rumored to be wielding her enormous shadowy scythe. One can only wonder where she can be found.

Of course, no one would even suspect that a lady dressed in leather black with her yellow helmet casually striding in the park at four pm as the mythical creature. Too bad they do not know Celty Sturlson.

She is sitting on the stairs by the time a familiar bartender-dressed man arrives. Yep, two iconic persons from Ikebukuro meeting and talking together. It's a pretty epic scene for any normal viewer. But the conversation that ensued really cannot be considered epic at the same level.

"Hey, what do you think I should do if someone I hate suddenly changes?"

Celty tilts her helmet in a movement that shows curiosity. She then starts typing on her phone, using it as a means to communicate since she is _headless_ in the first place. "Orihara changed? I can't imagine that happening. Is it for the good or worse?"

"How the hell did you know?" Shizuo is looking perplexed that she is able to tell that much.

She rapidly types down and shows it to him, "It's obvious to everyone whom you hate."

Ignoring her statement, Shizuo answers, "I don't know! But we all know as hell that that bastard will never change into something good!"

"What happened?"

The man grumbles under his breath for a while before he speaks to her again, "He suddenly showed up and said he's tired of fighting me. It's not like I care if he does but I know he's up to something."

"Like what?"

"He's throwing me off by acting like that! Since he said he's bored, I'm sure he is just using a different approach this time to entertain himself…" he finishes speaking, sounding in between confident and unsure by the time his sentence ended.

Celty takes her time to think as Shizuo takes his time muttering curses and drowning in a bad mood. Not long after, the rider punches her fist against her palm as if she has thought about a genius retaliation, which it turns out, is true. "Ah! I have an idea! I think… you should also do something that will throw him off! Something that he wouldn't like and would not be able to handle, that's what. He always thinks he knows everything. You should do something unlikely. Maybe then, he'll be back to his arrogant, teasing self."

Shizuo falls silent, pondering her words. After then, he gives her a wicked smile, malice and Izaya filling his thoughts. "You're right! I like the idea of something he would not like. And when he's back to his bastard self, I can finally punch his grin off his face! If he's being unpredictable, then I should be acting more unexpected towards him too! He doesn't know me and he won't be controlling me!"

Although Celty does not know what is running in her friend's mind and is initially feeling uneasy for him, his sudden enthusiasm and murderous aura are so contagious that she cannot help but feel happy for him too. After all, most of the encounters between Shizuo and Izaya would be frustrating for Shizuo because at the end, Izaya would always have his way. It is very rare to see him fired up and with a plan without recklessly jumping into fights.

Before she can ask his plan, however, Shizuo has stood up and is waving his thanks, already far away from her. She weakly waves back, left wondering what he could be up to.

~oOo~

On the surface, Anri Sonohara is a normal megane character that any school-themed show will never lack- quiet, beautiful, and well-endowed. The only difference this time is the fact that her role is not limited to such. With eyes that can glow a bloody red as she wields her weapon, Saika, Anri may be shy but no one better pick a fight with her. She has undergone many things in the past and such are what made her who she is now. But there are certain circumstances that even experienced people like her will not be able to comprehend

…Like how to respond when a full grown man is asking her if he can borrow something that really isn't completely useful for someone his age and gender.

"I'm sorry for asking this again but… What did you say?" she repeats for what seemed like the umpteenth time, glancing up at the blonde man, eyebrows knit in obvious confusion.

It is the middle of the night and he is asking for… what is it again? No, she most probably heard it wrong. There is no way Shizuo Heiwajima will ever use something like that, no. And even with such a strong denial in her mind, it is all too easy to crumble due to his confident grin.

"I promise I'll take care of it. I'll return it in… two days. No, maybe, three! Not until the bastard gets enough of it." to make things worse, he sounds very eager and excited to use it.

"Who's going to be using it?" she asks patiently, hoping beyond hope it will not be he himself.

His grin spreads ever so proudly as he points his thumb at his chest, "Of course, it's got to be me!"

There is a long period of silence in which Shizuo is standing, waiting triumphantly for her to bring his tool of vengeance, and Anri, standing in front of him, dumb-struck to silence as if he has just proudly announced the end of the world.

Finally, she releases a heavy sigh, murmuring she just lacks sleep as she turns around and bids him to wait for her. He does with the awkward fervour of his still surrounding him like an aura. When she has returned, Shizuo leaves later like he is the king of the world.

The next day, Anri does not bother to open the television to watch the news. She simply lays in bed and sleeps.

~oOo~

It isn't every day that Namie Yagiri goes outdoors to do trivial stuff. But at the one time that she does, she has absolutely no idea how awkward it is going to be for her.

The sun is shining but not too strongly. There aren't too much cars on the road making raucous noises. And most especially, there is no Izaya smirking at her every move. It is just her and her grocery.

But who knew buying food on the sidewalk will mean problematic encounters? What more, she has absolutely no clue that she is going to be standing at the middle of the crossfire between legendary Shizuo Heiwajima and mischievous Izaya Orihara—the latter being her shrewd boss.

She sighs at the serenity, cradling the bag of groceries on her arm as she gazes around the unusually quiet Ikebukuro-

"IIIIIAAAAA! Tasukete!" there is no doubt in her mind as to whom the fearful shriek belonged. It belongs to her most dreaded male to meet that day. And not soon enough, Izaya rounds the corner, looking close to tears. She does not have enough time to register what is happening when he leaps mid-air, apparently impatient to avoid something as he grabs her shoulders, spinning her until he is cowering behind her and her, standing in front of him like his shield.

She gasps, surprised (and slightly ever dismayed that _it_ has to happen) but before she can speak, Izaya talks like a child being chased by a gang of bullies, tripping over his own words.

"He-he… he's scaring me! Please, you have got to hide me! Somewhere, anywhere—just get him away from me!" he begs, frantically shaking her shoulders.

To say that his actions are unexpected will be an understatement, but upon remembering the type of man that he is, Namie frowns. She can safely conclude that this is just one of his many games. And by all means, she has absolutely no interest to be a part of it.

However, the fact that Izaya would even accept acting like that is a surprise. It is so easy to believe that he has swallowed his pride because of his fear of something. But whatever can it be? Orihara is a devil incarnate. _He_ is the one to be feared. Who could possibly have this effect on the infamous smirking devil?

"I-za-ya!" her blood runs cold, not from fright or alarm—but from disbelief. There is no mistaking that deep voice, brimming with mock sweetness and seething with fury. There is something different about it this time, however. Unlike the usual growl, he actually sounds like he is calling for a lost kitten. As much as she doesn't like to put it into words to describe it, it still surfaces in her mind. Shizuo Heiwajima sounded _smitten_. With whom, one can already tell.

She is still struggling to fully grasp the idea when the owner of the voice turns to the corner, entering their line of view. She hears Izaya release a rather undignified yelp from behind her, cowering more so at the sight before them. And she understands then why. Even she has to supress a shudder.

Shizuo Heiwajima is wearing a _Lolita_.

As if that isn't shocking enough, Izaya disconcertingly screams something that in her whole life, Namie has never dreamed of hearing.

"He said he's in love with ME!"

~oOo~

"_You want to borrow… a dress?" Anri looks at him as if seeing him for the first time… and as if he has lost his mind._

"_Yeah." Shizuo replies as if it is the most obvious thing in the world._

"_And… you said _you _are the one who will be using it?" she asks, more disbelieving than polite._

"_Yeah." the eager smile melts on his face to be replaced by puzzlement, "Is it really so hard to believe?"_

"_Uh…" she leaves the question hanging in the air as they stand motionless, and the wind blowing in the empty night sky. He is oblivious of the disturbed atmosphere of the girl. She has just received a question she found very unlikely to be asked especially by him, after all._

_When he does register the slowness of their pace, he asks, but his question is still off from the real concern. He asks that he's aware none of her clothing would fit him but if it's alright for him to modify one a bit for it to do so._

_She replies that it's no problem, and that she actually has one that can, barely stopping herself from saying that the dress is no problem. It is moreover about his mentality._

_For another minute they stand, one simply waiting and the other, contemplating just what is going on._

_Eventually, he gains what he has asked for. What she has taken out made her blush in embarrassment. It isn't something anyone reasonable can be proud of wearing in a busy street every day. It is a Lolita—a pink one, with lots of frills and ribbons. She vaguely wonders that Shizuo, despite asking for a dress, would be appalled at the superfluity of it. She belatedly discovers that it seems to please him a great deal, claiming it will surely work. Whatever it is he is talking about, she can only wonder. She cannot be mistaken on one thing, though: that Lolita seems to be the exact thing he wants._

_She lets him take it without any hesitation. If there is, then it will have been for his sake._

_Only as an afterthought did she wonder where she has acquired such clothing. She then remembers that it was a present from Mikado and Kida. Vaguely, she hopes that Shizuo will take care when using it. Despite its appearance, it is a gift to be treasured after all._

_She retires to bed without any further thoughts about the matter._

~oOo~

Namie fights the urge to laugh. But not from joy, no; far from it. It is the absurdity of the situation that makes it all so ironic. When it comes down to manipulation, isn't it always about Izaya's game? And now, here he is, trembling behind her. And Shizuo, grinning a sardonic grin, with tricks up his sleeve. Now, that is a thought. She probably should not be surprised if he literally does.

He's pretty much taken everyone there by surprise to boot.

"I found you~" Shizuo, now dressed in a Lolita, drawls, and those three simple yet prolonged words are enough to send chills down her spine.

"What-" the first word she ever gets to say and she is interrupted again by Izaya's frantic scream of horror.

"AAAAAH! No! Noooooooo! Leave me alone!" and then he breaks into a sprint away from them, leaving Namie, who is getting used to their bizarre tendencies by the minute, and Heiwajima who, if she sensed correctly, seems satisfied with what he is doing. He seems to be enjoying mentally torturing Izaya.

She hears him laugh evilly as she watches him go after her boss. Looking around, she also notices that the scene has gathered quite the onlookers—surprised ones, including some spectators she recognizes as those who are often there when a fight breaks out, and should therefore be used to it.

Shrugging, she walks off without much care for the world. That will be Izaya's problem not hers, after all.

~oOo~

For the next few days, the same scenarios are repeated. Izaya is often seen running, but not from flying vending machines. During these days, vending machines can finally exist safely. With Shizuo in his Lolita and his open (if not sarcastic) remarks of… dare I say, love, and Izaya, screaming like there is no tomorrow, one can only guess what is truly running within the two's minds.

Izaya can only run and scream whenever the both of them meet and Shizuo is obviously taking extreme pleasure at this. It is also apparent that he could not give a damn about how he looked or what he is saying.

As long as he can see Izaya scared senseless…

"I thought you loved messing around, Izaya-kun~. Why are you running away from me?" he shouts out to the dark-haired man across him, casually whipping his left arm outward and smashing a nearby vending machine.

"Who wouldn't run away from you?!" comes Izaya's aggravated answer. "You're haywire!"

Shizuo laughs. Why, where has the provoking Izaya Orihara gone? "This is unlike you, Izaya-kun~" he steps towards his prey more like a man ready to fight than someone with a dress on the road. "Why don't you fight me? You run when all you usually do is jump around in circles, making fun of other people. Haha, look how pathetic you've become!"

To his surprise, Izaya steps out from behind the wall he is hiding from, the frightened expression gone from his face. Shizuo stops walking and watches him, on guard.

And when the devil smirks, Shizuo doesn't like it.

~oOo~

Ryuugamine Mikado is just walking down the street with Kida. Everything is nice and in order. The city, lively as ever even as the sun is high in the sky.

At least that's what he thinks until Kida points out to him out of the blue that Shizuo Heiwajima seems to be wearing the Lolita that the both of them had given Anri.

He looks to where a crowd seems to be materializing, but all are at a safe distance from the cause of the attraction. And he can understand why.

It is Izaya and Shizuo.

And sure enough, Shizuo is wearing a Lolita. Mikado's face adapts a slack-jawed expression, unsure if he finds the sight before them amusing or scary at a certain level.

He assumes it is the latter as he observes Izaya bravely face his Lolita-dressed opponent.

~oOo~

It feels like all this time he is dancing atop quick sand and now, before he knows it, he is already waist deep down and stuck.

And there he feels it. The aura of Izaya resurrected. The Izaya he can easily beat to a pulp. His stance is very relaxed once again, hands casually in his coat's pockets, and his trademark smirk once more in its place.

The devil has returned and Shizuo isn't certain if it's a good thing.

He watches him, motionless, as Izaya puts a hand above his eyes and bends over, shoulders trembling. Soon enough, he is laughing out loud hysterically. Such actions make Shizuo frown, something deep in his gut telling him he will not like the upcoming event. But he still manages a wry smile. Cocky or not, he knows as hell that Izaya is a bastard that he will never hesitate to tear into shreds.

He has laughed to the point that his body is already bending backwards, face fronting the sky. When he has calmed down somehow, his laughter slowly subsides before completely dying down. And he manages to speak with the amusement evident in his expression.

"Ha~ Shizzy, I never knew you'd go this far." He chuckles, shaking his head, "You have exceeded my expectations…" and for a while, he cannot stop leaning forward, hands atop his face as if struggling to hold in more laughter.

"So you're back, you slimy bastard!" Shizuo grins humorlessly. He takes out a cigarette and places it on his lips before lighting it. The reflection of his opponent on his violet shades smirks still more.

"Actually, I never really went anywhere." Shizuo's expression darkens even more. All this time… has he been playing in the devil's hand?

As if reading his mind, Izaya smiles widely. "You never fail to amuse me, Shizuo-kun~"

He starts laughing once again, throwing photos in the air as he spins around. Ashes fall from the cigarette as Shizuo catches one picture. His eyes did not fool him. All the photos are of him in the Lolita that he is still wearing. He stands still, even as Izaya continues to twirl and jeer and mock, even as the smoke of his cigarette lifts up in the air.

But he doesn't stand still when his lips part and the cigarette falls along its ashes and an invisible force, most probably the intensity of his fury, cracks his shades.

To hell with it all.

~oxXxo~

A vending machine soars across the night, closely followed by a voice that echoes in the still air…

"IZAYA!"

Shizuo Heiwajima hates violence.

* * *

**A.N.: **Owari. It's finished, yo. O-su~

=w=) ~3 I have nothing more to say.

R&R.


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